The sky is pitch black. The only signs of life on campus come from the last cars filing onto Pine Street to head home for the evening. Even the boarders are tucked into bed, silent, starting their unconscious journey to the next day. The moon hangs alone in the sky, the only light source left in the dark winter’s night. While Nobles may seem lifeless to the untrained eye, the Putnam Library teems with a cacophony of crinkles and shakes. Not from a person, or even an animal, but from a box. A LEGO box.
Sitting on the shelf near the computer charging station is the packaging for the Disney Castle, quivering violently as the box breaks open from the inside. Out comes Mickey. “Oh, toodles! Where in the world are we?” he exclaims, as his friends emerge and trot across the counter.
Before he gets an answer, a piercing green beam of light cuts through the air in front of them. Mickey and his friends glance to their left. The LEGO Death Star has been activated for the night, launching its first of many planet-destroying lasers. The powerful blast cuts through the library, shattering another window in the senior corner.
Darth Vader stands atop the structure, laughing maniacally as he connects to the nearest JBL speaker, blasting the Imperial March for all to hear. As he basks in the destruction, he spots his next target, a minifigure of Leonardo DiCaprio (Jack), holding Kate Winslet (Rose) off the side of the Titanic.
Thankfully, Jack senses the danger and uses the ship’s anchor to grab a nearby Stanley water bottle from the lost and found. As he pulls it close, Jack twists the anchor to pop off the cup’s lid and spill the water, giving the doomed boat enough of a wave to sail off the counter onto the floor, barely dodging the Death Star’s deadly beam.
However, instead of hitting the Titanic, the beam fires directly into the Quiet Room, cutting through the glass and burning the books on the shelf. The library, now in complete disarray with broken glass, books on fire, and water everywhere, needs a protector. It needs someone to save them. Putnam Library needs a hero. And there is only one mouse for the job.
Mickey stands up tall to Darth Vader, yelling, “Hot Dog! Hot dog! Hot diggity dog!” as he throws a giant hot dog directly at the Death Star. On impact, the ketchup and mustard from the delicious projectile completely inundate the Death Star’s system, leaving only enough functionality in the spaceship for one more shot.
Vader, being the voice of the people that he is, takes this last shot, not to finish off Mickey, but to blow up the performative core value murals also located in the senior corner. They smolder in their superfluity.
Unfortunately for Mickey, however, Darth Vader’s laser beams are not his only weapon: his control of the Force is unmatched. In his raspy, mechanical voice, Vader explains to Mickey that “the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared with the power of the Dark Side.” Immediately, Mickey is yanked into the air and launched into the Disney Castle, completely exploding the fragile LEGO set.
It seems like Vader is unstoppable until a fleet of LEGO wizards and witches on brooms led by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley comes soaring out of Hogwarts. Beams of all colors shoot from their wands towards the Sith. These bolts of magic are met by Stormtrooper shots, only exacerbating the decimation of Putnam. War wages between the Empire and Hogwarts’ best, as spells and lasers zig-zag in all directions, further desecrating the core values murals, splintering the wooden chairs, blowing up tables, and drawing out the Putnam snack rats from their slumber.
The rats look on in horror as all of their favorite dining areas are completely demolished by the plastic figurines. The tide of war begins to shift as the bobbleheads lining the librarians’ office begin jumping off their counter to join the fray. The strongest of the bobbleheads — Iron Man, Indiana Jones, and Optimus Prime — quickly join forces with the Hogwarts wizards.
After seeing Harry’s magical abilities, Iron Man exclaims, “Hey, kid! Infuse some of that magic with my suit!” This does not go unnoticed by Vader and his army, and the Sith begin using the Force to pick up books and sling them at Iron Man. However, Indiana Jones is quick to use his whip to knock the books aside, saving his fellow bobblehead. As Vader is distracted by his exertion of the Force, Optimus begins placing bombs around him, trapping the Sith.
With Vader contained, Harry shoots a beam of magic into Iron Man’s suit, giving him the ability to conduct the most powerful spell known to man, The Killing Curse.
“AVADA KEDAVRA,” Iron Man yells, as a blinding azure light rushes out of his repulsors, charging towards Vader and his men. Unable to control the spell, Iron Man not only blows away his foes, but also half of the Putnam Library.
Left in utter ruin, the metal and wood of the building creak and groan as if it were alive. “Do you realize what you’ve done?!” Harry screams at Iron Man. “She Who Must Not be Named [Co-Director of the Putnam Library Talya Sokoll] will give us all detention for this destruction! Now, the only way to fix it is for us all to band together and spend the rest of the night repairing the library.”
And so, the LEGO wizards from Hogwarts, the bobbleheads, and a freshly conscious Mickey Mouse work together to repair the Putnam Library. Cracked floors, torn pages, and the flowery core values murals are all carefully mended and put back in place with the symphony of wizards whispering Reparo.
By morning, the library was finally put back together again. But the librarians could tell something was wrong when they walked in: It smelled of smoldering wood and mustard. Nonetheless, the LEGO pieces, now back to where they belonged on tables and shelves, could only watch in silence as the librarians pondered amongst themselves where the strange aromas could be coming from. The toys got away with murder, this time…
