Confession Number 1:

No one was as relieved as me when Nobles said that they were rebuilding Shattuck. The moment they told us that they were ripping up the alcoves and starting over, I almost jumped for joy, but I couldn’t tell anyone why. Now a rising senior, I had kept a secret from my friends, teachers, and family, ever since my Sixie year: I was storing snacks under the alcoves for whenever I got hungry. See, at first I thought this was a good idea. I could eat candy whenever I wanted without my parents seeing the charges from the school store, I didn’t have to share, and I never had to worry about my favorite snacks being sold out. 

This system worked perfectly until the summer before my junior year, when I forgot to throw out my leftover snacks. When I came back on the first day of classes, everyone, and I mean everyone, before speaking to each other, collectively exclaimed in one way or another, “What is that gross smell?” That’s when I realized what I had done. It smelled rank. I literally could not stand in that alcove without my nose plugged. And the worst part of it all: no one knew where the smell was coming from. No one but me, and I knew for a fact that I would not be telling anyone what happened. Weeks went by with no solution to the smell or an idea of where it came from, until a dreadful day in December when one of my classmates squealed in fear as a grey animal ran under the bench. It was a rat. A big, gross, fully nourished rat. I stood there, pale and terrified, knowing what was about to happen. A few of my classmates knelt on the ground to see where it went. Not only did they find ten more rats, but they also found a pile of rotting food: apples, Sour Patch Kids, yogurt, and just about anything that would smell terrible after a couple of days past its expiration date. The school attempted to address the problem, yet the scent and occasional rodent sightings never disappeared. 

Even today, when I walk through the glistening new halls of Shattuck, I am still reminded of the atrocities that occurred. As a soon-to-be graduate of this place, I needed to tell someone my story after years of hiding it. I hope to use The Nobleman as a resource to anonymously encourage students not to make the same gross mistakes that I did. The snacks are not worth the risk. I promise.

Shamefully,

– Anonymous (Class I)

Confession Number 2

I am extremely scared of my Senior Assassin target. To start off, I think that I might be the most unlucky guy in the world. I was so excited for Senior Assassin. I was ready to win, no matter how ruthless I had to be … until I saw who my target was. It was the girl I was going to ask to prom. I planned to ask her a week or two before prom and was extremely scared of her saying no. I have wanted to go with her since the first day of school. I even gave her subtle hints about my intentions. I kept a Snapchat streak with her (which she lost from time to time, but it was probably an accident). When I was partners with her in Physics, I moved so that she could be with her friend instead. I even held the door for her one time! I have done all these things in anticipation of the big day on which I would prompose, and now I don’t know what to do. If I get her out, will she turn me down? What do I do then? If I don’t go with her, who else could I go with? I was in all-or-nothing; I begged SLC co-President Ben Gelber to change my target, but he declined. Since then, I have had to make the moral decision about whether to get her out. Eventually, I decided that my dream of winning trumped my need for a date, because who cares about group photos when I could be 500 dollars richer? I looked up her schedule and camped out by her car waiting for her to get out of class. Over an hour later, I saw her walking down the steps to North lot without goggles. This was my chance. I leaped into her path and drenched her with water. She was not pleased. She allowed me to take a selfie of us for Instagram, then walked to her car. On a limb, I asked her the big question: “Um. Random question. Will you go to prom with me?” She responded dryly: “I have had a date for months, sorry.” It was all for nothing.

I am reaching out through The Nobleman to share my story and convince kids to not only be ruthless in Senior Assassin, but also to get their prom dates in advance. 

Embarrassingly,

-Anonymous (Class I)