A timeless dilemma has plagued the parent psyche for decades: How early is too early for their children to begin dating? Some parents impose strict restrictions on their kids, citing romantic relationships as a distraction from schoolwork or as simply coming too early in their children’s development. Realistically, the issue is much more complex than that.
To better understand the full context of dating, we must first define what dating is. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as “the activity of going on dates (meetings between two people who might have a romantic relationship), especially in the hope of finding a partner.” At different developmental stages, though, “dates” and “relationships” can mean very different things. There are certain expectations for the meaning these words carry at certain ages.
Along with this level of subjectivity, the science on teen dating struggles to pinpoint what dating means among 13- to 19-year-olds. Researchers Jessica Kansky and Joseph P. Allen write in their article “Long-Term Risks and Possible Benefits Associated with Late Adolescent Romantic Relationship Quality” that “The changing nature of dating is another limitation of relationship research as relationship types seem to proliferate over time.”
In other words, while Sixies may see dating as holding hands in the hallway and buying each other snacks from Gleason, seniors are going to Legacy. “Someone could be in fifth grade and have a ‘secret boyfriend’ that no one knows about, but you’re probably not going to go to the movies. You’re not going on dates, because that’s not developmentally appropriate,” School Counselor Hannah Puckett said.
Students also debate what makes someone ready to begin dating. Some sympathize with parents’ perspectives on needing to set guardrails. Sam Robbins (Class III) said, “If I were a parent, I would definitely make sure my child is mature enough and socially aware enough to date.” Others stand by age as an appropriate marker. “When you’re in junior year, or 17 years old, I feel like you’re old enough to know when you feel like you’re ready to date and to have that responsibility. I don’t think that anyone should be dating in middle school because they don’t need to. Those middle school relationships never last,” Hannah Destiné (Class VI) said.
In contrast, some feel that being ready to date is significantly more complex than age and maturity. “I don’t think you’re ever really ready for a relationship. I think it’s more that people just come into your life … I don’t think it should be this calculating thing. If it happens, it happens,” Jasmine Calmo-Betancourt (Class II) said. Furthermore, the correlation between dating and being “ready” to date can be very circuitous, like applying for an entry-level job but needing prior work experience to get the job in the first place. “Sometimes you have to do it to realize you’re not ready. Sometimes readiness comes from experience,” Puckett said.
Given the subjectivity of the definition of “dating” at certain ages and the varying maturity within individual development, age loses ground as a viable factor determining one’s readiness to date. Similarly, maturity is an ambiguous concept and therefore doesn’t serve as a good indicator of preparedness, as it’s hard to quantify and can supposedly be gained through dating.
In tandem with this confusion, another question remains about the impact that relationships can have on young adults and adolescents. Depending on how these relationships are treated, they can be beneficial to one’s mental health, but also damaging. “When people get into their first relationship, and they don’t really know the reins of it, their mental health can go awry because they’re not sure how to treat a certain person in that romantic sense,” Matthew Newman (Class I) said. Of course, there’s a caveat to those relationship missteps: One can learn from them and do better with future significant others. Nana Tabiri (Class I) said, “I think dating has a pretty positive impact on things like self-esteem, and learning and taking away from past relationships is really important for later in life.”
So go into Valentine’s Day mindful of the barriers to and possible repercussions of dating, yet hopeful that if one plays their cards right, the odds can be in their favor. Whether Cupid’s arrow hits the bullseye or shatters miserably against the pressure, life will go on.
