It has been a tough few months for the Shattuck rodents. The mice’s lives have been filled with days spent dodging sledgehammer hits and screws drilled into every crevice of their territory, short nights disrupted by grating sounds of hammers and backing-up trucks, and homes passed down from generation to generation ruined by the horrors of the “renovations.” However, as the night sets on February 12th, a different spirit has settled over the furry critters: a sentimental mood. Romance is alive and well in the splintered Shattuck hallways, and the mice have taken to the holiday like no other critters.
Love in the Shattuck walls is expressed in a uniquely verminous way. Unlike the roses that people often gift one another, mice favor leftovers. Particularly delicious are artifacts from the Shattuck Schoolhouse of yore: chocolate croissants, dill pickle potato chips, and IZZE cans from ’24. Date nights in the construction-ridden tunnels are filled with adventure and splendor. Riveting games of tag underneath the freshman alcoves, hide-and-seek in the rafters and ceilings, and exploring new homes for post-renovation life are all romantic beyond comparison.
While happy vermin couples are plenty, a flirtatious opossum has thrown a curveball into the mouse dynamics. His seductive row of tiny sharp teeth, charmingly long yellow nails, and alluring opposable feet-thumbs have attracted attention from mice mates galore. Chaos has reigned under the dusty wooden floorboards as the opossum has used his fifth limb, a 20-inch prehensile tail, to grab would-be romantic rivals and throw them into fluffy fiberglass insulation. Upon hearing about his rampage, a small group of heroic mice gathered and committed to taking action. Quiet as a you-know-what, they devised a secret plan under moonlight to get rid of the opossum.
The following night, the gang of heroic mice crept from their holes. In the witching hours of Shattuck Schoolhouse, without a you-know-what stirring, they set forth with their scheme. Finding the opossum didn’t take long, as the nocturnal beast was reclining in the sophomore alcoves, nibbling on cider donut crumbs from ’22. Using the elaborate system of tunnels under the floorboards and in the walls, the mice snuck close to the opossum and silenced their mousy nerves. “3, 2, 1,” they mouthed. “Go!”
Five mice pounced on the Don Juan opossum, pinning down each of his limbs. Then, the final mouse jumped down in front of the opossum’s face. “Listen here, you,” squeaked the leader. “We have had enough of your Valentine’s villainy. We want you gone.” The opossum resisted, snarling his beautiful incisors. Then, his pointed snout discerned a delicious scent. As his beady eyes spotted a perfectly moldy croissant lying on the ground only a few yards away, he relented. “Fine, I’ll leave,” said the opossum. The mice let go of the beast, breathing a sigh of relief. “Yes!” they exclaimed, putting their paws together in celebration.
The opossum took advantage of this moment of weakness to spring from the alcoves and shout, “Just kidding! I’m staying and taking this snack, too!” Although the opossum believed he had subverted their plan, the mice looked at each other and grinned. Once the opossum had hopped to the decaying treat, he spotted another, and another, and another. The romantic rascal devoured each successive delicacy, unable to believe his luck. By the time he had reached the final treat, exiting the Shattuck Schoolhouse to lay his paws on a donut of a particularly vibrant lime green color, the opossum finally realized his mistake. However, it was too late. When he turned around, he watched the mice laugh as they slid a rock over the hole from which he had left, sealing the villain in the frigid February air.
With the opossum banished and Valentine’s Day saved, the heroic mice returned to their tunnels, exhausted but victorious. The next morning, they celebrated alongside the entire rodent community with food crumbs and tales of their brave mission. As evening fell on February 14th, the sound of tiny paws dancing across creaky floorboards filled the Shattuck Schoolhouse. The vermin couples relished a peaceful Valentine’s Day. Love was saved.
