Every year on February 14th, single students find themselves fantasizing about a life spent with someone who doesn’t exist. But most of them aren’t fantasizing about your average A-list celebrity; they’re thinking about that one specific cartoon character from a movie they watched 10 years ago.
A “hear me out” only works if the explanation has to come before the name. If you have to defend two words with your life before they leave your mouth, it’s a good one. Each student’s hear-me-out is a direct reflection of their personality and what they look for in an ideal partner. If the right person for you doesn’t exist in real life, you can absolutely find what you’re looking for in the form of a fictional character.
Nick Wilde from Zootopia is one of the first names that comes to mind when the phrase hear-me-out is mentioned. Caleigh Feng (Class III) said, “He’s misunderstood.” This is the perfect Valentine for someone with the “I can fix him” mentality. The hear-me-out comes from Wilde’s emotional baggage (also, he’s a fox). Nick Wilde is for the person who is drawn to emotional unavailability because it feels like a challenge. It doesn’t matter if he has trust issues; that’s just character development waiting to happen.
Lightning McQueen falls into a similar category. He’s more than just a car with stickers and headlights. Maddie Julien (Class V) said, “He’s mysterious.” If you can look past the bumper and the fact that he’s a vehicle, he really is just a quiet character waiting for someone to understand his depths. McQueen is also the most athletic Disney character and holds seven Piston Cup titles, so he’s the perfect match for anyone whose ideal Valentine’s Day date is an early morning at the gym.
Then, there are the more unhinged hear-me-outs, the ones that require a brief moment of silence before anyone responds. King Gross (Class III) said, “I watched Bubble Guppies when I was five. Molly was probably my first crush.” This hear-me-out proves that someone’s romantic type is developed before they can tie their shoes and remains consistent throughout their life. Even though Molly is meant to teach preschool lessons, she’s really teaching lessons on love, becoming origin stories for someone’s preferences without them ever realizing it.
But, there’s also the hear-me-outs that shouldn’t even really be considered hear-me-outs. Faris Dawes (Class II) immediately threw Elastigirl into the mix. He said, “I’m intrigued by her powers.” Even though Elastigirl is one of the most iconic Pixar characters, and really needs no introduction, some people like to stick to the basics. Chris Yoo (Class II) said, “Kimpossible is bad ” (“bad” is slang for attractive). At that point, it stops being a hear-me-out and starts being a widely accepted opinion. If everyone agrees, you don’t get to say “hear me out”. That’s just a regular crush.
But once this conversation starts, there’s no stopping it — especially in the library during lunch when love-seeking juniors throw out names like their life depends on it.
Lois Griffin was the first character to come up, and she might be the craziest nomination yet. It takes a masterfully crafted explanation to try to convince someone that your perfect Valentine this year is an adult sitcom mom with a thicker Boston accent than your grandmother.
The justification for Gloria from Madagascar requires one of the fastest pivots in hear-me-out history. The second her name is said, there is only a small window before someone says, “Isn’t that the hippo?” But if you really think about it enough, there’s so much more to her than meets the eye.
Aviva from Wild Kratts is the hear-me-out for the outdoors enthusiast. If you’ve been spending a lot of time on Outing Club hikes and can now identify four different kinds of birds, this one just makes sense.
Mr. Wolf from Bad Guys is another classic “morally gray” pick. This is for the person who hears “villain” and thinks intriguing. The fact that he’s literally a wolf is somehow the least concerning part.
At their core, hear-me-outs are really just an escape from reality for single students on Valentine’s Day. They aren’t about convincing anyone to see your side of things; they’re about talking fast enough that, for a second, a hippo, a car, and a wolf start to sound like reasonable Valentines.
