Pro (Elodie)
In the season of college decisions, it’s reasonable to assume that when one opens an Instagram story, they’ll be looking at a celebration of a friend’s acceptance. These stories celebrate much more than can be conveyed in the 2-second photo of a close friendship and a few words of commendation and pride. They celebrate a moment that has been building since the beginning of each student’s college process, a process that, at a minimum, has been weighing on them for the better part of the last six months. This tradition celebrates one’s closest friends’ special wins, and I believe it should remain a fixture of the college process.
While there is a belief that uploading these Instagram stories is an expectation, and in fact, a necessary response to a friend’s acceptance, I don’t believe that it is, nor should it be. It is nice to be able to publicize one’s peers’ victories on social media. Yet, this public declaration should be only a joyful celebration of a live human connection, and not an indication of whether a friend is a BFF or simply an acquaintance.
I believe that the sensitivity around sharing these celebrations on social media stems from a broader issue that has implications on how we talk about — or rather, our silence around — not only college acceptances, but also school test scores, SAT results, and so much more. Predictably, there is a strong stigma against celebrating one another’s accomplishments, as it leads to insecurity about one’s own lack of success. It is hard to see someone get accepted to a college you just got rejected from. It is equally hard to see someone who studied less than you get a higher ACT score than you did. Yet, seeing others succeed is almost always conducive to true friendly competition and often leads to greater personal success. If no one ever did better than you on the ACT, it may be harder to know what you could do to grow. As many ancient proverbs say, failure is necessary for one’s success and growth.
Moreover, it doesn’t reflect well on our community if we’re unable to celebrate someone else’s success in the wake of our own losses. Nayan Seetharam (Class I) said, “If I didn’t get into my dream school, and someone else did, I would still be happy for that person. That’s a fantastic way to approach it mentally.” I couldn’t agree with him more. Particularly in the innately random college admissions process, it’s absolutely imperative that we celebrate each other’s success, no matter what our own situation.
A lot of people grow more anxious after viewing these stories, as it makes them worry about how they should be doing more work in their college process, or why they didn’t receive similar good news. Some believe it is the viewer’s, rather than the poster’s, responsibility to know whether viewing these stories will give them anxiety and whether they should subsequently distance themselves from Instagram stories entirely during the season of college acceptances.
But I propose that instead of merely removing oneself from Instagram entirely, viewers should look at those stories differently. The best way to approach these posts, and nearly every moment of seeing someone else succeed, is by focusing on the happiness of whoever just received this good news, and separating this feeling from one’s own experiences. Though the reality is that not everyone who views one of these stories will experience the same feeling of getting accepted to their dream school, I can guarantee that each person will experience some joyful moment that their friends congratulate them on, even if the moment will be celebrated in a more personal and substantive manner than over social media.
Con (Henry)
Every December, students at Nobles find themselves torn between celebrating each other’s successes and focusing on their own future. It is quite common for Instagram to be the preferred way to communicate college decisions within the Nobles community, which can lead to detrimental comparisons among students and an increased reliance on social media to share personal news.
Nobles does not have its own college-decisions page where the College Counseling Office or student government publicly shares where students are attending college, for a variety of reasons. Director of College Counseling Kate Boyle Ramsdell said, “We believe the student should own the information, and not the institution.” In Ramsdell’s first years at Nobles, students would create a rejection wall in Gleason where they could post their rejection letters from colleges. The experience was intended to be communal, with students uniting to commiserate over their rejections. The effect, however, did not befit the intention. Class II students would see students whom they considered outstanding be rejected, and become demoralized by the wall.
The same thing happens with social media. “Whatever you put out has an impact on someone, and you can’t control how they react,” Ramsdell said. While it may seem harmless, publicizing where one’s friends are going to school can hurt other students, even when the intention is to celebrate each other. People attend certain colleges for various reasons, including proximity to home, affordability, and the field of study that interests them. “A person in the Nobles or a broader community may make a judgment about where that person has chosen to go to college without ever really knowing the full story,” Ramsdell said. These judgments are rooted in the use of social media, because it only displays the cover of someone’s college story, rather than any of the reasons behind it. At a highly competitive school like Nobles, which produces numerous graduates each year from prestigious universities, colleges presumed to fall short of that excellence are regarded as second-tier and seen as a personal insult to those attending them.
Another consequence of using social media is the denormalization of authentic human connection. The dilemma resides in the use of Instagram itself, which is an alternate, inhuman form of communication.
When a student hears their friend got into college, it should come from the student themselves, not from someone else’s Instagram story. College decisions are an incredibly sensitive subject that inevitably leads to self-comparisons. According to Ivy Coach, a prestigious college counseling firm, admissions officers have about eight minutes to review someone’s entire application, which hardly allows for a fair judgment of someone’s potential. The reality of the college process is that qualifications don’t always garner acceptances. “College admission in the U.S. has never been a meritocracy; kids are admitted for reasons that align with a particular college’s mission and institutional priorities, not necessarily because of their perfect SAT score,” Ramsdell said.
College is an incredibly difficult part of every high schooler’s life, and people shouldn’t have to be worried about what others think of them after their own personal decision. Students should focus on celebrating in person, where it matters more, and reduce the unnecessary social stigma that comes with success.
