While in previous years it was most common for students to use their spring sickness to ask to leave for the nurses, but to instead go play Spikeball or Kan Jam, 2026 reports indicate that students have actually been using spring sickness as an excuse to escape to the nurses’ office. The newly renovated hospital wing in Shattuck has completely caught not just students, but the whole community by storm.
Accounts say that some teachers are even skipping their classes to escape to the medical haven, which now has its own sleeping room. It has been reported that the nurses’ office has been at maximum capacity throughout the last week. At its busiest times (Thursday, third period, after lunch), one could see wait lines for a spot in the sleeping room that stretched outside the building.
As a result of so many students coming into the nurse’s office with the same spring allergies, several have been banished to the school’s new Shattuck detention correctional center for skipping too many classes; however, most of those who have been required to serve their time have been caught sleeping through detention, when they should be writing down 100 sentences, explaining why they’re in detention in the first place.
Some students have even become enraged at those who have been able to get away with allergies as an excuse. Sophie Sawatzky (Class IV) said, “Allergies are fake. People are being dramatic.” Despite jealous comments from those who have been unsuccessful in getting a chance to stay in the new nurses’ office, there have been real cases of students who have suffered from spring illness or injury.
With the Beach becoming a global hotspot once again, many have been seen getting back into the competitive flow of Spikeball, Kanjam, and hacky sack. However, this has been part of the reason — in addition to spring sickness — for the nurses’ office being so packed. People play these lawn games as if their lives depend on them, which often means that the integrity of one’s ACL or rotator cuff becomes a secondary consideration.
Take recent fallen soldier Natalia Calvillo (Class I), for example. Just weeks ago, at Fools’ Fest, Calvillo sprained her ankle while playing Gaga Dodgeball, leading her to visit the nurses’ office multiple times over the following week. Other lawn game mavericks have been seen taking Spikeball to new extremes. Players have been seen diving headfirst into the net, prompting many to think the injuries are deliberate attempts to gain priority access to the new campus paradise.
The question remains: How are the nurses feeling about all this? Having been barely settled into their newfound home for a month, the nurses have had to work overtime to meet the high demands of not just students, but faculty and staff, who all seek an escape from the daily hustle and bustle.
Thus, the best way to proceed would be to only go to the nurses’ office when absolutely necessary. In times when arms are broken or concussions are suffered, it is likely best and advisable to just sit through it and wait for it to pass. Only serious maladies, such as papercuts and stubbed toes, should warrant a visit to the nurses’ office.
