Eva Yu, Staff Writer
February 14, 2024
Love advice from Mr. Kovacs (for how to get a girl):
- Don’t be a problem solver for your love interest. For example, if she comes to you with an issue with her best friend or teacher, don’t say “Great, let’s kill her.” Instead, listen, acknowledge her feelings, and say something like, “Boy, that sounds really rough,” and then don’t say another word until she speaks.
- Don’t “one-up” your love interest. If she tells a story, don’t be a typical guy, and try to one-up her with a story of your own. Keep that for your buddies. She does not care about a lie that you still believe to be true and still tell your friends. Instead, just ask another question about her story, no matter how much you are dying inside to tell her that amazing made-up story that puts hers to shame…keep it to yourself, and ask questions.
- Put a time constraint on every interaction, especially if you are trying to break the ice. “Hey, I just have a minute, but I wanted to let you know…” or if you are already chatting, “I am having a lot of fun, but I have to head out in two minutes.” She won’t feel like she has to put up with your nonsense for very long, and she will wonder what you have better going on than hanging out with her.
- Don’t be the guy who goes and gets the pizza by himself. This was a common phrase that Kovacs’ dad told him. If you want to forever be stuck in the friend zone, be the guy that is always doing the nice things in hopes it will impress your interest. Say you are hanging with a group including your interest, and someone says, “Hey, I could use some pizza,” and you say, “I’ll get it!” You will likely realize five minutes in the drive to Dedham House that you are in the friend zone, and your buddy who stayed behind has a new date to the Techno Dance.
Love Advice from Mr. Polebaum (first date):
- I’m taking it as a given that love is a social construct that has been made up by Hallmark and the greeting card industry.
- I would say, follow your head, and not your heart.
- Don’t have your parents pick up your date for you. That’s a bad idea. It’ll be an awkward conversation with your parent or guardian in the front seat, and you and your date in the back seat. This definitely isn’t from personal experience.
- Don’t go to legacy; it’s very gauche. It’s unoriginal.
- If you can make it through an escape room on a first date, you might as well just get married. I might actually believe that.
- Red flag on a first date: your date tries to eat your food order. Sharing is not caring. If you wanted french fries, you should’ve ordered your own french fries. Plan ahead.
- Think about your smellscape that you’re putting out into the world. Too much is too much—cologne should only be applied with a single spurt.
- Ms. Sokoll Feature: If you get to the date, and the other person has already eaten everything and is on dessert…Red flag. (Definitely not speaking from personal experience).
- If they’re not into cats, red flag. Allergies are just an excuse. Allergies are not real. (Ms. Tragert: Just play in the dirt more.)
- Remember, it’s a competition. The goal is to collect as much information as you can. You need to fill in any holes from the stalking you did the last two weeks. Love wins when you win.
- Big red flag: if they read books, it’s a no-no.
- Don’t date someone from Nobles.
- Don’t date someone from Nobles, so you can date someone from Nobles who doesn’t know your significant other. Lying is the fastest route to love. Quantity over quality. More love is better.
(Photo Credit: Avery Winder)