Kate McLaughlin, Staff Writer
February 14, 2024
Being single can hit hard this time of year. Deprived of chocolate hearts and rose bouquets, nobody wants to spend Valentine’s Day alone. Still, singles can survive the holiday’s isolation with these tips and tricks.
- Microwave Cooking: With no partner to share a candlelight steak dinner, master the art of microwave cooking. Forget the Lunchables of elementary school; throw away the chicken dunks and tray nachos. Survive this Valentine’s Day with Stouffer’s microwavable slow-roasted steak and potatoes. Let one’s love for red meat surpass any romantic hostility.
- Hit the Gym: What better way to burn those 18 grams of protein than at the gym? Form bonds at the cable machine with single-arm rows and bicep curls; find companionship in an attractive set of dumbells. Mingling on the treadmills is unnecessary, as exercise should be enough. How do we hide our feelings? In our muscles. How do we hide our feelings better? Get bigger muscles.
- Ultimate Playlist: Of course, every gym bro has their go-to playlist. Collect your tunes for survival with Another Love and When I Was Your Man. Kickstarting the pump, lift to Someone Like You and Dancing on My Own. This powerful playlist will erase any memories of tenderness and affection you once had.
- Expert Napping: Singles should rest after expending their energy, which is desperately needed in these times of loneliness. Sleep through the night without waking to the overwhelming sound of seclusion. Pop a few melatonin, roll into your empty bed, and close the curtain on this treacherous day of repugnant passion.
Singles don’t need chocolate hearts to cure their missing halves this Valentine’s Day. Admire this guide alongside Dr. Hall’s complimentary rose, and have a wonderfully lonesome holiday.
(Photo Credit: Avery Winder)
