Nathan Nozea, Staff Writer
February 14, 2024
Valentine’s Day is upon us! For Nobles, this means that the hallways are lined with flowers, as students eagerly receive their long-awaited roses from their friends or significant others. Yet, despite the feeling of love in the air, students may find some of their peers in a solemn mood. To these select few, Valentine’s Day is a reminder of a lost love, or better times when their heart was lit ablaze by adoration and passion. Realizing that many students may be suffering in this unhealthy state, The Nobleman has created a comprehensive guide to winning back your ex. Read on, and discover expert-verified techniques for rekindling the flame between you and your former lover!
For those wondering how to approach an ex who has seemingly moved on with their life, The Nobleman has one foolproof suggestion: begging! Nothing will make the sparks of a relationship pop like constantly hounding your partner to date you again. To accomplish this goal, make sure to look at the person’s schedule and “conveniently” walk into them as they exit their first-period class. Ensure that everyone is watching, and proceed to humiliate your ex by gaslighting them into thinking that they are responsible for the breakup. If this method doesn’t work, constantly texting them can also do wonders. However, it’s quintessential that when using this tactic, the tone of your messages stays consistent. Through each DM, your ex must lose so much self-worth that they can’t see themselves ever being loved by someone other than you.
But, what if your ex doesn’t respond to your texts? Luckily, there’s a solution to that problem too! After consulting with real-life love experts such as Delilah from Magic 106.7 and lovecalculator.com, The Nobleman has found that the text “Where my hug at” has a 100% success rate in rekindling relationships. Gavin Lin (Class II) testified to the fact.“As soon as I sent that message, my former girlfriend proposed to me…it truly was life-changing advice,” he said. Other texts The Nobleman has found equally successful are: “Come here pookie, I need my huggie-wuggies,” “No one likes nice guys anymore,” and “Can you *blushes* be my number one again?”
If you don’t want to seem like a desperate loser, there are still a plethora of options available. To those who want to seem more like the “alpha” in their relationship, The Nobleman heavily recommends generating an elaborate scheme in which you pretend you’re in a new relationship. Through this fake love, constantly bad-mouth your ex and compare them to your new “partner.” Eventually, the rumors will circle around, and your past lover will come crawling back to you, alone and broken. Use this new power dynamic to your advantage and create a scenario where your ex is forced to rely solely on you. While this strategy may seem unnecessarily complicated and prone to failure, Wudiana Février (Class I) believes that the results far outweigh the potential risks. They said, “Once I used this ruse, my ex fell into my lap…they can’t do anything without my approval.” Though the ethics of this technique may be called into question, it’s clear that from this one experience, this strategy works whenever it’s utilized!
At the end of the day, no matter what ploy or trick you choose to aid you in your quest for resurrecting love, The Nobleman is confident in your success! Happy Valentine’s Day and good luck!
(Graphic Credit: Wudiana Fervier)
