Alan Cai, Business Manager

February 14, 2024

The social critic and acclaimed philosopher Karl Marx once wrote that “religion…is the opium of the people,” but what if it’s Valentine’s Day? Consider this: Valentine’s Day is a capitalist scheme to extort your hard-earned money out of your pocket in the name of a supposed higher ideal of love. 

The original religious and romantic origins of Valentine’s Day have been completely defaced by greedy corporations, who have molded the holiday into a quick cash grab to take even more money out of the pockets of consumers. Valentine’s Day is no longer a celebration of your partner and the love that you share; instead, Valentine’s Day is when you can performatively show your everlasting love for your significant other by seeing how much money you can splurge on gifts. All in all, it seems to me like Valentine’s Day is a bigger win for corporations than your love life. After all, who will really remember that fancy gift you got for your partner a few years down the line? And, let’s be honest, you’ll never recover from the extreme emotional trauma embedded into your brain after fishing over your hard-earned dollars to purchase a gaudy novelty gift marked up over 500% so that your significant other doesn’t break up with you. Basically, equivalent to a hostage situation (toxic relationship much?).

Still don’t get it? Hopefully, this analogy will help. Let’s say that, hypothetically, you’re a cargo ship transporting 2,000 containers of luscious, refreshing, simply sublime bottles of brand-name Purell hand sanitizer past the Horn of Africa (uh-oh). Now, when the local pirates start boarding your cargo ship from their rickety skiff, it’s game over for you and your luscious, refreshing, simply sublime cargo (read as: your significant other remembering that it’s Valentine’s Day). Now, you can either choose to pay up (so they don’t get upset at you) or you can face the wrath of the pirates. So what do you choose? Well, any reasonable person would immediately pay up. Therein lies the tragedy of Valentine’s Day. If you’re in a relationship, you’re forced to pay up. And if single, you’re obliged to lament your lack of charisma. It is clear to me that we must realign Valentine’s Day with its pious and celebratory origins, protecting it from the corporations that now market the holiday for their own gain.

(Graphic Credit: Wudiana Fervier)