As many students know all too well, sleep deprivation is one of the most pressing issues that Nobles faces. Although achieving under eight hours has many negative effects, numerous students do not have a choice due to their never-ending commitments. Students are often forced to choose between going to sleep at a reasonable hour and sacrificing their grades, or pushing through and sacrificing their sleep to maintain academic success. Obviously, the latter is the way to go to optimize performance and achieve maximum productivity. The Nobleman is here to help with some foolproof techniques to succeed in school at the expense of sleep that we have been working tirelessly on (pun intended). These strategies will make parents, teachers, and counselors exceedingly proud of you and very unconcerned about your health.
First, all-nighters require fuel. Since you won’t be able to focus naturally after the nine-hour school day, energy drinks with caffeine are optimal for increasing your energy and focus to concentrate and revive your brain. One of the go-tos is Red Bull. You know what they say, “Red Bull gives you wiiiiiings.” It may be a bit unclear how wings will assist you in the academic environment, but maybe it will become clear if you try it.
Another way to get fuel in your system is to scoop pre-workout incessantly. This will help you grow your brain (which is a muscle) to remember unlimited facts such as the half-angle formulas in precalculus or the electronegativity of iron in chemistry. This also makes studying seem more fun if you shift your perspective that you are putting in the late-night work to get jacked (in a non-traditional way, of course).
Additionally, keep your phone close to you so you can take frequent scroll breaks on your favorite social media app. While some people (pesky doctors) caution against consuming blue light before you go to sleep, some theorize those doctors may be in the pay of disgruntled Milton athletes frustrated with their inability to win by traditional means. See if you can reach the end of Instagram Reels, a shocking special prize awaits the most dedicated of delvers.
The final tenet of a productive late-night grind is music. Make sure to blast it at max volume on your headphones, so that during your test it will feel silent and very easy to focus. It’s all about perspective. One preferred genre is pump-up music to get yourself hyped up to save your grade. Or, you can listen and sing along to the ABCs so that you will be ready to accept any letter grade that you receive. When singing, make sure to emphasize the first few letters to manifest a good result.
Finally, if you must go to sleep eventually, switch out your pillows for textbooks, preferably a stack at least three high for maximum knowledge. You should never not be grinding, especially in the limited time you have at Nobles! Although this may be uncomfortable at first, this is the price you must pay for greatness. The knowledge has about a 10% chance of going into your brain via osmosis, according to recent groundbreaking proprietary research. Good luck in your courageous endeavors. Please don’t blame The Nobleman for any and all negative effects these suggestions may have on your health.