Pro
It’s 10:29 AM. The clock for the School Store closing is ticking down as you break into a run through the doors of Gleason Hall. As you burst through, your gaze is locked in on the wooden shutter slowly being closed by Mr. Clark. But movement on the benches catches your attention from the corner of your eye. It is a couple sweetly feeding each other pieces of a muffin they have just purchased. “YES,” you yell. “This is the best start to a morning ever!” That beautiful sight gives you the boost you need to power to the School Store seconds before it closes. As you chomp down on your hard-earned muffin and sink down on a bench opposite the couple, you breathe a sigh of satisfaction. You’d be happy to sit here all day, eating your muffin and watching. Sound familiar? This is the reality for many Nobles students.
Although many feel that PDA is “weird” or “gross,” they are just mad they can’t get any attention. And, for those lonely, sad people, observing PDA is a great way to learn new forms of intimacy for any future relationships or just for fun. If Nobles as an institution were against PDA, they wouldn’t provide so many perfect locations for it. After all, Castle tables for two, with built-in dim, romantic lighting and intimate ambiance, are perfect for a passionate (and public) lunch. The path down to the MAC is wide enough for two for a reason. The class seating chart didn’t put you two together for nothing. And honestly, staying inside your car in North Lot shouldn’t even count as PDA. Everyone should just be glad it’s staying inside the vehicle. Your time in a relationship will end eventually, so you might as well make the most of it. Love is a beautiful thing, so it should be shared with the community as much as possible. And you know what else should be shared? Norovirus. It’s like a snow day, but you get a lot more sympathy. You know you’re doing something right if you and your partner get sick on the same day. After the first six hours fly by, it’s just a free day to catch up on homework and spend even more time with your special someone.
PDA is more than a benefit to the Nobles community, it is a blessing. As an expert on adolescent sex education recently said on the front page of The Nobleman, “Porn is the wallpaper of kids’ life today and it’s just a few clicks away.” But, as the new cell phone policy makes clear, Nobles prioritizes human connection and experience. We should put the devices down and instead of a few clicks away, it can be a few steps away…
As you can clearly see, PDA keeps the Nobles community going. It’s fun for the couples, the lonely people, and everyone in that weird talking stage in between. Although PDA is known to mean “Public Displays of Affection,” you can now clearly see why here at The Nobleman we all believe that it really stands for “Public Displays of Awesomeness!”
Con
It’s 7:59 AM. The clock for assembly is ticking down as you start the trek up from North Lot. You glance over your shoulder and briefly see into the car to your right. There it is: two students making out in their car! “UGH,” you yell in disgust. This is the worst way to start a morning, yet it is a reality for many Nobles students. To these happy couples: please at least do your peers a favor and get some tinted windows.
Although discretion is the better part of valor, even those who try the secretive approach fail miserably. We all know what’s going on in that car parked alone in the McLeod Lot lot. Come on, there’s no way you need that much space to park.
Additionally, as the root cause of the Nobles norovirus outbreak, PDA is now not only affecting the student body’s mental health but also their physical health. That “harmless” little Castle lunch date you may have grinned at in passing is spreading norovirus. The little hands held across the coffee bar are spreading norovirus. The sweet outdoor walk down to the MAC, you guessed it, is spreading norovirus!
While I understand there may be some confusion stirred from a recent front-page article, the shortcomings of the PD curriculum are not an invitation to give your own lessons in the freshman alcoves.
The administration needs to do something about this issue. Phones are not the real culprit of distracted students, the hand brushes and longing stares from their peers, however, very much are. Eye contact lasting more than two uncomfortable seconds should count the same as a tardy to class, and hand-holding should equate to skipping a long assembly. That’s right, instant detention. Yes, we all know that Nobles values human connection and relationships, but this is not what the administration meant by playfulness.
For those of you reading this thinking, “This isn’t about me–I’m not even in a relationship,” you are wrong. The implications of PDA hurt each and every one of us. As a single person, you must take matters into your own hands. I recommend knocking on car windows in the MAC lot, leaving a mess at every one of the castle tables for two, and sitting on top of the bookshelf in between a couple during a study date in the stacks. You don’t just have to wince from afar and whisper to your friends about how unbelievably gross it is. Be the change you want to see in the world.
And for those of you in a relationship, as Valentine’s Day approaches, make sure to remember that ignoring your significant other in school is the only demure decision. Any time they try to approach, give them the best death glare you can muster. And if they dare to break your personal bubble, simply slap them. Although the brief second of human touch might be absolutely revolting, it is a risk you should be willing to take to prevent any future incidents.