Sienna Robertson, Staff Writer
February 14, 2024
A common issue during Valentine’s Day is the inability to get those gifts back from someone you THOUGHT was the one, but you just weren’t meant to be for each other. More specifically, they ended up ripping your heart out and eventually tossed it out of their car window, causing it to shatter into pieces… almost like LEGOs. Speaking of LEGOs, have you ever seen those eye-pleasing LEGO car sets? Like the ones you would walk past during a Target run, maybe with your significant other? The sets that they would beg and beg for like a baby? The type of sets that suck $169.99 (plus tax) out of your bank account? Now that you’ve said, “Oh yeah, those!” in your head, followed by an “I can definitely relate to and feel overly emotional about that!” let’s get into how to get that LEGO car and your ex back.
Now that we’ve established that our bank accounts and hearts have both gone through this pain, we can immediately cross out “Send them a video of you crying in front of an old photo with you both in it” off our list. Why? Well, I mean, we’ve tried it before, right? Anyway, this new one I came up with has been known to bring any ex to tears: write a song about how much you love them and need them need that LEGO set to return it for gas money. Blast that song on a speaker outside their window! Music these days is subjective, but I doubt they’d misunderstand the meaning behind your composition. They might even invite you in and ask for the SoundCloud link to the song! They might even listen to a few more of the songs you’ve written about how much you miss their laugh… their jokes… their hugs…
If that doesn’t work for you and they come out and smash your speaker on the concrete, this next idea should help you! Like we’ve all done during our breakup slump, binge-watch the Mission Impossible franchise. Now is the time to show your ex that you ARE capable of being active in some way and do NOT just sit around playing Brawl Stars in your free time. Get yourself the coolest, all-black disguise that will make you look hot from the nearest mall, a rope from Home Depot, and the SuperSpies Secret Agent Spymaster kit on Amazon for $39.95. That $40 that was supposed to go to gas money will be easily made back after you finally get to refund that LEGO set meant for your ex… your old best friend… your everything… Breaking into their house should be easy peasy!* You still have their weekend schedule memorized, don’t you? On Saturdays, they spend their morning volunteering at the nursing home! That’s so sweet… they’ve always been that way… Once you tiptoe past the speaker they broke two days prior, hopping through their window should be a breeze with the Sticky Lil’ Fingers gloves that came in the overpriced spy set you got! If the LEGO car isn’t properly appreciated and displayed in the center like you pictured, check and see if it’s still unopened underneath their bed, underappreciated just like you in your old relationship!
More or less, whether you end up wasting more gas money than you get back or end up in a jail cell for burglary, at least you got to see an old pal who’s really just an old pal, nothing more than that. Unless… they wanted to be more than that again? Please come back.
*Disclaimer: The Nobleman does not support any criminal activity unless it’s to get your ex back.
(Photo Credit: Avery Winder)