Owen Harrington, Staff Writer
December 8, 2023
With the holiday season quickly approaching, the Nobles community is busy purchasing and packing their thoughtful gifts for friends and family. You have waited all year for this, planning each present meticulously, waiting for the right Black Friday sale to finally pull the trigger. Ready to hit purchase, you reach into your pockets only to make a shocking discovery. Suddenly the careless Cafe 2000 purchases and unfortunate library poker losses have caught up to you, and the disappointing reality that there is no money left for presents sets in. You quickly find yourself falling into a downward spiral as you contemplate whether re-gifting that untouched itchy sweater your aunt gave you last year is a viable option. But do not despair, the Nobles campus is ripe with opportunities to make a little extra cash on the side and fund your wildest holiday dreams.
First, head to the center of commerce on campus, the snack bar where, each day, hundreds of students make their stop to pick up treats to get them through the day. Here, the plan is very simple: arrive early and purchase every chocolate croissant in the store. Then just set up shop in the center of Gleason and flip the baked goods for a few dollars more than you purchased them for. The demand is already strong, so you just need to control the supply. If you play your cards right you’ll be seeing steady returns in no time, loading the tree with PS5s and Xboxes.
Next, head on over to one of the December music concerts and dress nicely. Set up a little table outside of Lawrence and display a sign with your very official looking ticket price. Collect the money as people flow in to find their seats, but be prepared to take the money and run if someone tries to shut you down.
The same can be done for parking during the winter open house. Just substitute the formal outfit for a high visibility yellow vest and wait at McLeod to collect parking fees. If you’re feeling extra bold, offer to valet the car, but be prepared to lose the vest and disappear if you cause an accident or hit a stray reindeer.
If you’re still strapped for cash, this final job will not only cover you for the holidays, but possibly for the rest of your life. All you need to do is find your way into the Tower Collection late one evening and fill up your bags with rare books, maps, and paintings. Then make a swift exit into the night and prepare yourself for a chase, because the librarians will, without a doubt, come looking, and they will not stop until they find you.
After following this guide, you should be kicking back on your throne of perfectly selected presents, hot cocoa in hand, and swimming in green. That is, of course, assuming you don’t get caught. If you do though, remember a mischievous little elf gave you these ideas, and you definitely didn’t hear them from me.
(Photo Credit: Zack Mittelstadt)
