Matt Anderson, Layout Staff
November 13, 2023
When you see your friend giving a tour to a prospective student, there are a myriad of possible reactions, responses, and courses of action you can take. To help you out, I am going to break down the top 5 things to do when you see your friend giving a tour. Disclaimer: this list does not include the “Happy Birthday,” as you’re a squid if you utilize this method.
1. One classic move is congratulating them on a college acceptance or commitment. Walk up to your friend enthusiastically, and give them props for getting into a prestigious top-10 college or committing to play collegiate-level athletics at high D1 school. Serviceable options include HPY (Harvard-Princeton-Yale) and NESCACs, as true Nobles students know that those are the only schools that exist. Your positive affirmations are sure to make the applicant awestruck and the tour parents eager to send their kids here.
2. If you’re a little shy and fear confrontation, try following the tour around with a notebook and pen to grade them on their tour! As a member of the Nobles community, you are responsible for ensuring the new crop of students each year is up to par with the highest standards. After all, we aren’t just showing the tours around; we’re testing to see if they belong here. If you find yourself giving them anything less than a perfect score, slip a note to the Admissions Office, and you can sleep soundly knowing they won’t take another step on our glorious campus ever again.
3. If you’re a true student-athlete, it’s not a bad idea to pretend to be a sports recruiter for your respective team and pull the applicant of the tour aside for a little chat. Give them a pep talk, say you want them to come to the MAC on the weekend for a workout, and give them your business card for future contact. It’s sure to get the kid excited and allows you to cull the weak come time for tryouts.
4. Why not scare the tour a little and exaggerate some of the darker sides of being a Nobles student? Emphasize the painstaking, tear-shedding, agony-inducing amount of work we receive and the false hope of free time that is weekends. The prospective applicant will definitely have a little giggle and put on a determined look as they prepare to enter a slugfest of sheer will with some of the other brightest minds in the country to make it out of here with their sanity intact.
5. My fifth and final suggestion is to demonstrate to the tour family just how tight-knit the student body is at Nobles. What better way to do that than by walking up to your tour guide friend, giving them a friendly wave, and showing off your intense wrestling skills by gently suplexing them to the ground as a customary welcome? The tour family will surely be impressed with the athletic standards and time-honored traditions of Nobles.
I have outlined five of the many things to do when you see your friends giving a tour. If you’re still somehow unsure of what to say or do… just say hi to them and pretend you’re normal or something.
(Photo Credit: Zack Mittelstadt)