by Jackie Zhang, Staff Writer, October 2021

As the spooky season approaches, I’ve taken upon the responsibility of very carefully analyzing and collecting data about our editors at the Nobleman to decide which Halloween villain they would be. Here are the results of my extensive research. 

Ryan Sanghavi’s kindred spirit villain has to be the Jigsaw Killer from “Saw.” While these two may not seem to share many similarities on the surface, similar trends between their personalities appear when you dig deeper. The Jigsaw Killer thinks through his elaborate torture plans thoroughly and is frustrated with the uncaring nature of his victims. Ryan, our beloved Editor-in-Chief, makes extensive comments on all of our articles and is constantly fed-up with the loudness of Nobleman brainstorms. Ryan’s excellent time management skills and planning would absolutely be useful in a gory horror movie. 

Ama Ndukwe is obviously Ursula, the famous sinister sea witch, from “The Little Mermaid.”With impeccable fashion taste and the same indescribable energy, these two must have been twins separated at birth. People are always so focused on her entrapment of unfortunate souls that they can’t see that like Ama she has an amazing memorable personality that truly makes her stand out among all of the iconic disney villains (or among the staff editors). You can’t deny that this evil sea witch has an excellent sense of humor with a delightful sprinkling of sass. Wait a minute… of whom does that remind you? Well, yes of course, our wonderful Photo Editor. 

No other villain matches Jessica Zhang better than Lori Spenglar from “Happy Death Day.” It’s revealed that—Spoiler Alert— Lori, Theresa’s seemingly sweet and kind roommate, is the murderer that continues, countless times, to kill Theresa. She is very caring on the surface, hiding her murderous and dangerous nature. If Jessica were to be a horror movie villain, it would definitely be the last person you would suspect. We appreciate Jessica for being such a nice and approachable Managing Editor but if we were to be living in a bloody slasher movie, who knows might be lurking behind that friendly surface. 

When considering Daniel Wang as a potential spine-chilling villain, the infamous Hannibal Lecter from “Silence of the Lambs” comes to mind immediately. Hannibal the cannibal may be better known to the general public for his brutal murders and, um, interesting diet, but I would argue that his passions (aside from cannibalism and murder) are what make him a truly iconic villain. Hannibal is also well known for his ardent love of classical music and fine dining. Who else is known for his appreciation of the finer things for which he has  publicly shared his admiration in the paper? None other than Managing Editor Daniel Wang, whose scathing food reviews and comprehensive recommendations of classical pieces remain memorable to this day. 

While this villain is not from a movie, the Slender Man is definitely the villain that most closely resembles Isabela Fitzgerald. How does this terrifying urban legend that terrorizes children in the forest match Isabela, you ask? Our beloved Video Editor is very tall, elusive, and makes banger memes. Who else is towering, evasive, and has become an integral part of meme culture especially after his own (bad) video game was released? Slender Man. Isabela is Slender Man if Slender Man had developed a passion for pastel aesthetics and Pinterest moodboards. I close my case. 

Julia Wong as a villain would most definitely be Jennifer Check from “Jennifer’s Body.” Personality wise, our Layout Editor and this demonic teenage girl don’t share many similarities (even before she gets possessed). Jennifer definitely differs from Julia in that she is a horrible friend and person overall to Anita, her best friend. However, they both have excellent taste in fashion, are incredibly quotable, and have an amazing sense of confidence. If Jennifer is any indication, Julia girlbossing her way through a horror movie villain would truly be terrifying. 

The halloween villain that most suits Grace Fiorella is absolutely Freddy Krueger from The Nightmare on Elm Street. Grace, like this terrifying villain, has a tendency for the creative and dramatic and can you think of something more overly dramatic and unnecessary than taking the time to appear in children’s dreams which then causes their deaths in the real world? You can’t deny that Freddy is iconic for his over-the-top murdering methods and Grace, our lovely copy editor, if she were to contain a much darker side, would not be able to resist going full out.