by Anna Perez, Staff Writer, March 2021
Taking snacks from the Castle table is definitely the most nerve-wracking aspect of lunch. Is everyone in line judging me for just taking Oreos and Pringles instead of fruit? Are the Flik staff going to get mad at me for taking extra bags of fruit snacks? What if my bag breaks open and everyone sees the ungodly amount of chips I’ve hoarded? These are the daily thoughts of the average Nobles student (or faculty member) at the Castle. Lucky for you, I have compiled a list of the best strategies to take as many snacks as you want without worry!
- Have friends take snacks for you. If you have a friend that doesn’t like to snack, you should first let them know that they are crazy, and then you should ask them to grab you snacks! Since they won’t be grabbing their own in the first place, nothing will look weird. You can ask them to take an additional cookie, piece of fruit, three bags of fruit snacks, or really anything… Since they are not a big fan of snacks, they will never know how much is deemed “too much” by society.
- Drop your food off at your table and go back to grab more after. Once you collect your main meal and your first batch of snacks, you can drop your food off at your table and then go back with your bag and collect more. A potential problem with this strategy would be that you don’t eat in the Castle, but be honest with yourself: aren’t those extra Oreos worth the walk? A disguise is not necessary, but if you wear a hat or put on a different hoodie, you will add another level of security to your scheme.
- Steal snacks off of other people’s tables. Is this best if they are your friends? Yes. Does that mean it necessarily has to be a friend? No. When walking by the tables near the panini presses in the castle, just reach out a hand and take what you can grab. If they notice, just feign innocence. Put the stolen snack in your pocket, or slip it into your bag and pretend you had it all along. While this solution is among the more dicey ways to steal a snack, you can pull it off with a reward-over-risk mentality.
- Throw something towards the allergy board and hoard the snacks while everyone’s eyes are averted towards the distraction. While The Nobleman does not condone wreaking havoc on campus, in the event that you simply need more snacks, this might be the best option to distract everyone around and steal snacks, judgement-free. The bigger your distraction, the more snacks you will be able to take. Consider screaming, “Oh my God, it’s [insert country artist’s name]!” This will definitely distract students and give you time to take what you want.
- Print and add “Reserved” signs to put in front of your personal favorite snacks. This strategy requires the most planning. Not only will you have to make the signs look realistic, you will have to find a good time to place them so that the snacks are not gone by the time you can reserve them. You might be wondering: won’t Flik take them off? I’ve thought this over extensively, and the answer is no. They would just assume another team member put the sign out and move on with their day. If you’re dedicated to the cause, this is the option for you.
- Find the food supply truck when it makes its deliveries, dress up as a Flik staff member, say you are authorized to place the snacks, and then hide them on campus to bring them home at the end of the day. This is the most discrete, direct way to collect your snacks. There is a risk of being caught with this strategy, but aren’t those salt and vinegar chips worth it? Remind yourself of what you are doing it for and dedicate yourself to your craft. Everything will pay off when you get home and you have snacks for the next few weeks… or maybe days.
The fear of being judged for taking snacks is real, but I hope that you find some comfort in hearing that you aren’t alone, and that there are ways to get extra snacks without being ashamed. If you employ one of my strategies and it works for you, I hope you will let me know. If it doesn’t work, please keep that to yourself, as The Nobleman has a reputation to uphold. Now that you are fully equipped with strategies, go forth and embrace your destiny! Steal some snacks!