by Anna Perez, Staff Writer, October 2020
9:00 AM: Open your eyes. Whoa, it’s early. Go back to sleep.
12:00 PM: Actually get up.
12:04 PM: Realize there’s not enough time in the day to do homework and pull up Netflix.
12:30 PM: Finally decide to watch “The Office.”
5:30 PM: Realize you wasted 5 hours of your day watching “The Office.”
5:31 PM: Ding dong. It’s the first trick-or-treater.
5:32 PM: Realize you haven’t prepared the candy bowl. Big whoops.
5:32 PM: Give the first trick-or-treater an apple since you can’t find the candy and listen to them audibly complain to their mom about you. Their mom says the apple could have been poisoned and throws it in a bush.
5:33 PM: Mom’s comment really gets to you. Your self-esteem takes a major blow.
5:35 PM: Finally find some candy.
5:36 PM: Realize the emphasis is on the “some” because you bought it on sale in September, and you’re continually eating the rest of it.
5:37 PM: Turn off the outside light and bring the candy with you. Decide not to leave a “take one” sign because we all know how that goes.
5:40 PM: Get back on Netflix and pick out the scariest movie of all time for the evening: “Hubie Halloween.”
6:00 PM: Ding dong. Trick-or-treaters. You ignore them because you are fully engrossed in your film. A bicycle, a thermos, Adam Sandler. What else do you need in life?
6:02 PM: More trick-or-treaters. Adam Sandler is in a corn maze. You’re not getting up.
6:05 PM: Even more trick-or-treaters. Why are they not realizing there is a candy bowl outside?
6:15 PM: Realize you want that candy for yourself. Make a quick “out of candy” sign and stick it on the door. Take what’s left in the bowl for yourself and go watch Hubie in peace.
6:35 PM: Realization hits, and you spill the M&M’s all over yourself: nothing in “Hubie Halloween” should scare you more than the acting.
6:55 PM: Get an invitation from a friend to join a Netflix party.
6:56 PM: Contemplate finishing “Hubie Halloween” before joining their Netflix party. Contemplate for a while because maybe it will get good.
7:30 PM: Finish “Hubie Halloween.” It was not worth it.
7:31 PM: Your kind friends have waited for you to start the Netflix party. They are watching “Paranormal Activity.”
7:32 PM: You are confused; this family is normal.
7:36 PM: You are no longer confused.
7:52 PM: Your friend dares you to turn off your lights while watching, and you agree because you’re brave… Right?
8:00 PM: Jumpscare; your popcorn is everywhere.
8:01 PM: You need to turn the lights back on, but that requires walking through the dark. Muster up that courage and RUN!
8:12 PM: Wish you were watching “Hubie Halloween.”
8:30 PM: You hear the front door creak open. You text your mom to shut it, but she does not respond. Neither does your dad. Interesting…
8:31 PM: Contemplate getting out of bed because you hear the floorboards creaking downstairs.
8:38 PM: Finally muster up the courage to walk downstairs, wielding a heavy flashlight that can be turned into a weapon if necessary. You’re feeling a lot like Larry from “Night at the Museum”. You hope there’s no dinosaur skeleton that has come alive waiting for you.
8:40 PM: You look around and see nothing. Well, at least you were brave enough to walk downstairs at all.
8:41 PM: The front door slams shut. You turn around.
8:42 PM: Nothing is there. Could it have been the wind?
8:45 PM: You head back upstairs and resume watching “Paranormal Activity.”
9:26 PM: You hear the door open again. The stupid door just won’t be quiet.
9:30 PM: You go back downstairs because now annoyance is stronger than fear.
9:31 PM: You see a weird shadow in your living room. It sees you. It approaches you. You are paralyzed in terror.
9:32 PM: You scream. Before you stands a man with luscious platinum blonde locks and a snake cane: it is none other than Lucius Malfoy himself.
9:35 PM: Upon closer examination, you realize this is not Lucius Malfoy at all. It’s Mr. Polebaum. In your living room. At 9:35 PM. Dressed as Lucius Malfoy. As one does.
9:40 PM: Mr. Polebaum explains that he was trick-or-treating and saw no candy outside. He came inside in search of it. As one does.
9:41 PM: You give Mr. Polebaum a sock because you ate all the candy. He is insulted because he is not a house elf. He leaves with a dramatic whoosh of his dark cape. As one does.
9:45 PM: You return upstairs to finish “Paranormal Activity.” Teachers these days.
10:23 PM: “Paranormal Activity” ends.
10:30 PM: You toss and turn as you try to fall asleep. You swear you hear noises – creaking of floorboards, squeals of door hinges, footsteps in the kitchen – even though you locked the front door.
10:31 PM: You decide you don’t care.
10:45 PM: You fall asleep.
10:46 PM: And as you slumber, your bedroom door creaks open. A shadow crawls out from under your bed. The window slides open and lets in a cool breeze. What is happening? You’ll never know.