If you were to ask, “What are Nobles students most afraid of?” a study reports that 16 out of every 17 students would report that it is getting their worst angle broadcast on the Nobles Instagram. Despite the Director of Creative Media, Ben Heider’s incredible eye for capturing beautiful moments on campus, the horrifying photo of you mid-chew at lunch says otherwise.
One anonymous victim was brave enough to share their story:
“I was leaving the castle, after a really good Taco Tuesday, so obviously I was happy. I guess I looked a little too happy because Heider saw me, and I could tell he was planning his attack. He had his camera in hand, lens ready, and pointed at me with a big smile on his face. So, I did what any normal person would do. I started to run. Of course, with my luck, he started to run after me too, gaining speed with every step. Before I knew it, I had jumped over the construction fence on the beach to try to escape him. I could have sworn I was in the clear, but when I rounded the corner to get back onto the main path, he was there: camera pointed at me once again. I don’t even remember how I escaped him that day, but I still get nightmares and flashbacks.”
As this fear captures hundreds in the community, it is imperative that we release the Three Official Steps on How to Not Get Caught by Heider. These steps are designed to minimize your appeal to Heider’s artistic eye, ensuring your absolute safety and security from his camera.
Step 1) Wear another’s school merchandise.
Did you or a sibling go to The Park School, Fessenden, The Winsor School, or any other ISL school before Nobles? Your best bet at staying safe from bad angles being shown to the public is to dig up any old sweatshirts or shirts from said school and wear them with pride. To go the extra mile, keep a backup shirt in your bag at all times. Mr. Heider is contractually obligated not to give any free promo to competitors.
Heider himself said, “If you wear [for example] your brother’s Belmont Hill shirt, you’re off the hook.”
Step 2) Don’t ever look too happy, or happy at all.
Heider loves it when people are happy. So, if you’re ever in a good mood and he smiles at you, shut that happiness down immediately. My suggestion is to put in some headphones, play the Titanic soundtrack to help you shed a tear or two, and start backpedaling as fast as you can away from the camera, ensuring your tears are in full view the entire time.
Step 3) Be on a phone
Strict phone policies? Not even a question when it’s snipe or death with Heider. Take out your phone, and scroll between the weather app and notes app 15 or more times just to be safe, even if it means you’re in class.
Heider said, “If you’re on your phone in class, I don’t like to photograph that.”
Even in the Castle, some would say the detention would be worth it. Bonus points if you can be on your phone in a large group with other people who are on their phones – one of the things Heider doesn’t like to take pictures of. Don’t take these steps as a simple suggestion, but take them as a plea. A plea to avoid your worst angle being the next one on the front cover of a magazine or Instagram post. So, the next time you see a tall figure with glasses holding a camera pointed at you, don’t smile or even think, just run.
