The performative male outbreak at Nobles has been on the rise recently. From Lister to Lawrence, these men roam campus, hoping to catch the attention of any girl who may find them interesting. Originating as a TikTok trend, they have become widely known and easily recognizable. Some of their dead giveaways include wearing jorts, drinking matcha, reading feminist literature, or owning a tote bag. Christ Louis (Class III), a proud performative male and self-proclaimed feminist, defends his style.
“I just like to look good for people. God forbid,” he said.
Many others, like Louis, have been influenced by this trend and have adapted their personality and lifestyle to fit the description. After compiling their tips and tricks to reaching peak female attention levels, here is Nobles students’ official guide to being performative.
The most important criterion you have to meet is being sensitive, quirky, and ‘not like the other guys.’ Christian Eckford (Class III), a multi-talented musician and actor, revealed the origins of his passion for the arts.
“People are into you when you have niche interests. Like, obviously, I’m not actually interested in the stuff I do. I don’t even enjoy music; it’s just niche,” he said.
Anyone is guaranteed to catch the attention of a girl by faking interests, even for their whole life, like Eckford. This might be a sign to join Fall dance or learn an instrument no one has ever heard of.
Performative males must also drink matcha and spend the majority of their time in coffee shops. King Gross (Class III) expressed his sadness about the lack of matcha at Nobles.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have a matcha setup at the dorms,” he said.
The closest thing to a coffee shop at Nobles is the coffee bar in the library, so make sure to nonchalantly sit alone and look invested in your work until the moment comes when you can ask the girl next to you for help on a problem you already know the answer to.
To be performative, you must also read feminist literature. Whether you’re actually reading it or just staring at it, you should always have a book in hand.
“I read a lot about what girls like. You know, just gotta stay educated,” Louis said.
Learning about women’s interests will help you to be more informed when you finally muster up the courage to talk to a girl. Many of these men even suggest reading two books at once or joining FemCo and The Twisst.
Performative males must also dress to impress. Throw every fashion trend you have heard of out the window; now, put on some jorts. Fine-tuning your aesthetic will help you catch the attention of any girl who thinks jorts are cool and unconventional.
To be considered performative, you must completely change your music taste. Try substituting Drake for Laufey on your workout playlist, and make sure everyone knows about it. Many students may have seen Kayden Hurd (Class III) walking around campus with his headphones around his head, but rarely on his ears.
“I like headphones for the aesthetic,” he said.
Director of Theatre and knockoff Labubu owner Daniel Halperin suggests listening to “Sensitive Artist” by King Missile. The lyrics of this song describe a man who is much more intelligent and deep than others because he listens to music that no one else does. This song is the anthem for performative males, and something to live by if you plan on appearing more intellectual than your classmates. Try taking inspiration from your nonchalant classmates by always having at least one AirPod in, and if anyone asks what you’re listening to, the answer is Lana Del Rey.
Being performative is the most foolproof way to be more interesting and grab everyone’s attention. Following each of these steps will help you to lock in a spring prom date and join the growing epidemic at Nobles.
